The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
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Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
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I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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