the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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