Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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