That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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