remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
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I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
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how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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