why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
