So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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