You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
