I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
