I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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