turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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