I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
