Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
