eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
