when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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