I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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