Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
