dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
