She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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