cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize