I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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