Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
