im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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