Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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