I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The air was thick with penises
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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