tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize