since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
