question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
