38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
