I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
