Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
