Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
