Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
