In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
