it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
