we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
