I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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