Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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