I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
