he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
