so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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