I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
