I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
