There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
