he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It's just like the Real World with babies
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
