What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
