The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
