Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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