i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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