my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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