Got a toothbrush?
I looked at my own cervix.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
