fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
