Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
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the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
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You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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