I cockslap morals
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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