Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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