Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
