im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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