where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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