I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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