Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
