I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
