My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Jerry, you need to find god
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
