I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
